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My 2015 Pittsburgh and Pro-Sports Wishlist

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Dec 312014

I consider myself a lucky sports fan. At least I’m not a Cleveland sports fan. I can find hope without looking too hard. BUT! C’mon, everyone wants some of their teams to do better. So here’s a short wishlist for my pro teams and pro-sports in general in 2015 (in no particular order).

Steelers

Upgraded Secondary. The defensive secondary has played particularly well the past couple weeks but there’s no doubt that these guys aren’t suited to being long-term front-line players. Will Allen, William Gay, Brice McCain and Antwon Blake have played above their pay grade. It is highly, highly unlikely though perhaps not impossible that McCain and Blake could become front-line players. Still, with the withering of Ike Taylor and the failures of extending Cortez Allen and signing Mike Mitchell, the secondary needs a huge infusion of new talent.
A Dignified Exit for Troy Polamalu. There was significant debate on 93.7 The Fan last night as to whether Troy should even play at the expense of a roster spot for a special teams player, let alone start against Baltimore. Troy’s jersey was the first I ever bought so I don’t like the thought of the end of his career. I would give him a spot for the Baltimore game, not start him, and substitute him into certain packages. And then I hope he retires at the end of the season (mmm… hopefully after holding aloft another Vince Lombardi Trophy?).
The Return of Linebacker Nation. A 3-4 defense is not supposed to have an Defensive End tie or lead the team in sacks. Cam Heyward has fast become an exceptional player and the emergence of Stephon Tuitt bodes well for the future as well but this defense is predicated on getting pressure from its linebackers. Jason Worilds is almost certainly gone after the season; his price tag will be too high after recording a ~~colossal~~ 7.5 regular season sacks. Vince Williams and Arthur Moats are good depth guys but Ryan Shazier and Jarvis Jones absolutely must pick up the slack in seasons to come.

Penguins

Health. Every team suffers injuries but between career and life threatening injuries, cancer and the mumps, this team has had way too many kids called up from the Baby Penguins farm team this season.
Earn that Cash. Franchise players are paid the big bucks to show up in critical high-pressure situations. Management did a good job of adding toughness and grit to the team this off-season. But Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin and Marc-Andre Fleury cannot go another playoffs without playing to their potential in the highest pressure games. If Fleury plays well, so too must Sid & Geno. If Geno plays well, so too must Fleury and Sid. This isn’t the most stacked team the Penguins have had but they are a team that can win a Stanley Cup.
More Noise!! It’s been said that Penguins crowds haven’t been as animated since the move to the Consol Energy Center as they were in the old Civic/Mellon Arena. Part of that may be to do with the new building’s acoustics and part of that may be more expensive tickets pricing out the (increasingly eviscerated) proletariat. In England, the landed gentry who can afford futbol games and aren’t loud or involved are called the Prawn Sandwich Brigade. I tend to think the CEC crowds still do get pretty loud but not for as long as they might have done in the olden years. Or perhaps I’m getting old and you should stay the hillel off my lawn.

My 2014 Pittsburgh and Pro-Sports Wishlist

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Jan 042014

Steelers

A healthy offensive line. I think the o-line improved a bit towards the end of the season. You could see it in the way that Le’Veon Bell started running. Part of that is on Bell. The light seems to be coming on for him. He seemed more decisive. Add back a healthy Maurkice Pouncey and a continually developing David DeCastro and that’s a foundation. Regardless of who’s lining up, the offensive line needs time and health to develop chemistry.
More no-huddle. I think I heard on 93.7 The Fan that the No-Huddle will be the Steelers’ default offense next year? Well, if it makes Ben happy and more productive, I’m ok with that. Frankly, I think quarterbacks don’t have enough play-calling responsibility anymore and I think they can handle the weight. Terry Bradshaw called his own plays; you think Ben can’t do the same consistently? Continue reading »

The New & Improved Pittsburgh Football Club

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Sep 232013

A modest and hopefully uncontroversial proposal, if I may, concerning the coaching staffs which make the UPMC Sports Complex their home.

Fire Steelers offensive coordinator Todd Haley. Ok, so that’s probably not so controversial among Steelers fans. Next, transfer Haley’s play-calling and strategy duties to Pitt head coach, Paul Chryst, a man known for productive offenses and the ability to effectively utilize the talents of existing players rather than trying to shoehorn them into one particular system. Chryst will continue to advise offensive coordinator Joe Rudolph but Rudolph will take on added responsibilities, something that should benefit his career immensely.

Pitt HC & soon-to-be Steelers OC Paul Chryst

Chryst will still remain the head coach at Pitt. However, since he isn’t exactly comfortable in front of the media (though getting better), Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin will take over Chryst’s media duties. (That groan you hear is from Pittsburgh sportswriters being forced to deal with Tomlin on two fronts). Chryst may also need to grow a beard.

Hooray for baseball, the NFL is meh

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Jul 252013

As a rabid Steelers fan, I know it’s blasphemy but I have seldom been less excited about the coming of the NFL season. It’s not about the team itself. I’m confident that if Ben Roethlisberger stays healthy, the Steelers will once again be elite contenders in the NFL.

Over the past few years, I’ve become less and less intrigued by the NFL as a whole. If not for the Steelers, I wouldn’t be an NFL fan. The game is boring. Every team plays roughly the same type of offense… some variant of the West Coast offense with sprinklings of running or passing spread plays. There’s no innovation on either side of the ball.

David Volek, Twenty Years Later

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Jan 292013

Every time the Penguins play the Islanders, as they’re doing tonight, I can’t help but remember David Volek. Oh the name conjures memories of infamy, it does. It was Volek’s slapshot in Game 7 of the 1993 NHL playoff series between the Pens and Islanders that denied Mario Lemieux and company the chance at a three-peat.

It pains us, it does. It burnsss. It freezessss. Volek’s goal places him among the top sports villains of my life.

David Volek Continue reading »

The Vagaries of Position Coaching in the NFL

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Jan 022013

Behind the Steel Curtain makes a very interesting point today while discussing whether former Steelers OL Tunch Ilkin would be a good fit for offensive line coach for the Steelers:

It not as easy as just looking at some of the guys that are currently available and say they would look great in Black and Gold. That is what happened to the Eagles. They brought in Howard Mudd to coach their offensive line after Juan Castillo was promoted to defensive coordinator. If there is a Hall of Fame for offensive line coaches, Mudd would be in on the first ballot. But, he was a disaster in Philly. Mudd likes big offensive linemen because he believes in a vertical pass drop set, whereas Castillo always preferred smaller, more athletic linemen. The overhaul that resulted really impeded their offense. Some guys may teach things a certain way that doesn’t fit with Haley or the players we currently have. That narrows the list, and would obviously bode well for Ilkin if he was interested in the job.

I’d never really thought of offensive line coach as being such a study in varied techniques but after reading that passage, it makes sense, doesn’t it. And because they’re more nitty-gritty than head coach or even offensive/defensive coordinator, perhaps it’s more difficult to customize techniques based on available personnel. It’s easier to stress over a coordinator or head coach’s philosophies, as so many did/have done w.r.t. Tomlin’s background in the 4-3 vs the Steelers current use of the 3-4. But the impact of position coaches shouldn’t be understated either.

MST: Football Gods Punish Political Steelers Fans

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Oct 122012

In a stunning rebuke of America’s politically-charged society, the Gods of Football chose to punish the Pittsburgh Steelers because some of their fans deigned to pay even the slightest bit of attention to the Biden-Ryan VP debate last night. The Steelers fell to the Tennessee Titans, 26-23 on a last-second field goal, dropping their record to 2-3.

“Political pundits across the nation have spoken about the relative unimportance of this debate to the greater outcome of the President Election in November so we were surprised and disappointed that normally erudite Steelers fans disregarded the science of Superstition and watched the VP debate instead,” said a clearly angry Pop Warner, chief spokesman for the Football Deities. “Even channel surfing between the two is considered bad form. In our estimation, Titans fans’ attentions weren’t as divided so we chose to reward their loyalty.”

Your humble narrator can attest to the scatter-brained nature of the Nation as after the game, he saw numerous Facebook posts and tweets by otherwise loyal Steelers fans who had been commenting on the VP debate during the game.

Let this be a lesson, Steelers Nation. FOOTBALL > politics. The Gods do not care about your political loyalties, or even your level of activity or advocacy. But when your Steelers are playing, TUNE THE FRAK IN!

Photo Credit: Al Messerschmidt, Getty Images

Frak the Rangers… and Browns… and Jaguars… and Braves…

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Jan 202012

One of my recent tweets: “Adam Graves and the New York Rangers should die of gonorrhea and rot in Hell. Want a cookie, son?”

Seriously? I can’t give up a grudge against Adam Graves (and by extension a New York Rangers franchise that hasn’t done anything meaningful since 1994) based on a cheapshot in the 1992 NHL playoffs? #$%^ no!! The Penguins won the Stanley Cup that year despite Graves’ hit on Lemieux and it’s even possible that the hit galvanised the team and propelled it to those heights. You’re damn right I’m not letting go of my hatred.

And that gets me to thinking about the nature and origins of sports hatred.

It’s pretty common knowledge among my friends that I despise the Cleveland Browns. It’s just the way Pittsburghers are raised. But truth be told, the Browns don’t really deserve to be hated. They haven’t been a true threat since a brief window in the early 1990’s. The cRavens are our real rival nowadays and a worthy one at that.

But I remember that brief, annoying period when the Browns rose up; when Vinny Testaverde was considered a threat to our AFC Central supremacy and the addition of the combustible Andre Rison served to put the Browns (the Browns!) as a chic pic to get to the Superbowl. And so I remember what it’s like to hate the Browns fo’ realz and I hold on to that hatred and nurture it and let it fester and boil.

My mom once told me that for all my hatred, I would probably end up with a girl from Cleveland. What a cruel fate to foresee for her son! Formative years those 1990’s were for Maher’s sports consciousness. I hated Mark Brunell and the Jacksonville Jaguars for a time. I even remember hating the Cincinnati Reds and the Atlanta Braves for beating my Pirates in the NLCS. Do you remember when Steve Avery was good? I f*ckin’ remember! I’d root for the Yankees over the Braves, damnit!

Now don’t get me wrong. I do hate the Ravens. Arrogant, showboating f*cks all of them! But damn, they’re good. And most of them probably already have gonorrhea anyway.

It’s interesting to see how current rivalries are shaping the sports consciousnesses of Pittsburgh’s youngsters. The Ravens may even win a Superbowl but all teams go through down cycles. Just ask the 1970’s Raiders, the 1980’s Oilers, the 1990’s Browns and Jaguars, etc. And rivalries are generally established of shared excellence not mediocrity.

But those who grew up knowing that raw, raging emotion will forever hold the Ravens in ill-regard. They will remember.

Which brings me back to Adam Graves and the New York Rangers. I f*ckin’ hate the Rangers. No, I mega-loathe them. You see, when I was coming up during Mario Lemieux’s Stanley Cup runs, the Rangers were a primary threat to us. The Flyers were pretty mediocre and though people of good conscience must always hate the Flyers in principle, they didn’t get me worked up that much. They do now but it doesn’t have the force of history, at least for me.

And so 20+ years later, 10-year old Maher still demands even more justice! Yesssss… Adam Graves and the New York Rangers should die of gonorrhea and rot in Hell.

… which is probably quite similar to Cleveland during football season. [steeples fingers malevolently]

Of Footballs and Accents

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Nov 152010

I drove up to Northampton, MA this extended weekend to spend some some with my sister, brother-un-law and niece. I was enjoying a leisurely time, when on Friday morning, I received a call from my mom that an unkel had offered two tickets to Sunday night’s Steelers/Patriots game in Pittsburgh. Done.

After driving home from Northampton in 7.5 hours (~515 miles) on Sunday, I was subjected to one of the worst Steelers games I’ve seen in years. Just a putrid, heartless display. Embarrassing, really.

The worst part? Although our seats were pretty sweet (section 108, row K), they were directly in front of five guys from Boston. Now I don’t mind that they were loud and boisterous for their team. By and large, they weren’t rude and there was some fun jawing back and forth.

But those accents! OH MY LAWD!! I mean a really thick, thick, Boston/New England accent. Like Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting or Peter Griffin on the Family Guy.

“Let’s go Paaaats!”
“Let’s go boyyyeesss!”
“Atta boy Tommy!”

Horrible, simply horrible. I’d rather hear southern drawls, Long Island or Bronx accents, Midwestern accents, valley girl accents, maybe even Jersey Shore accents than that bile-inducing detritus. Worst regional accent in the world!

Those boyyeess made this the single worst sporting event I have ever attended. (And considering I’m a long-time Pitt football fan, that’s sayin’ something). UGH.

MST: The NFL Hates Your Team (unless it’s the Steelers), Part II

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Oct 262010

MST: And we’re back with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

Goodell: Thanks for having me.

MST: Commissioner, please explain the James Harrison fines and why you chose to dock him mo’ cash moneyyy than other players.

Goodell: We know that, like many football players, if James Harrison wasn’t in the NFL, he’d either be in jail by now or dead. That he comes from Ohio doesn’t help matters. By fining Harrison, we’re letting him know that murder is not an option. He needed that. Even though we condone violence on the field, we can’t cross over into murdaaa.

The fine accomplishes a second aim as well. By suppressing his murderous Ohioan instincts, James will become an even more devastating player in the long run.

I should also add that part of the rationale behind Ben’s suspension was to remind the Steelers’ defense that a quarterback cannot carry a Steelers team, at least until the playoffs. Last year’s fourth quarter lapses ate just not part of the NFL… I mean Steelers’ Way.

MST: A well-conceived plan, Commissioner, and subtly executed. Would that you could have don’t a better job in Superbowl XL. I’ve been trying to deflect criticism of the officiating in the game for years now.

Goodell: I wasn’t commissioner at the time and I can assure you that the NFL will never again put the Steelers Nation through such a trauma. Simply put, planning for a Steelers Superbowl wasn’t part of outgoing commissioner Paul Tagliabue contingencies.

MST: And that concludes our interview. Thanks for your time, Commissioner.

Goodell: Thanks for having me.

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