MST: NCAA Sanctions Miami of Ohio Football to Punish Jim Tressel

 College Football, Football, MST  No Responses »
Mar 102011
 

Since SMU football received the NCAA Death Penalty, there’s been a saying in college sports that any time an Alabama or a Kentucky commits major violations, an East Tennessee State or a Montana will get slapped with NCAA sanctions.

MST has learned that the NCAA has indeed levied sanctions against Miami University of Ohio in order see that justice be done in the case of Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel lying about his knowledge of “Tattoo Gate”. In an ingenious twist, the NCAA will use time travel, not to levy actual sanctions against the University, but will instead seek to sully and damage the school’s reputation. Actual far-reaching sanctions, as we all know, are not what the NCAA is all about.

By “arranging” for the University of Pittsburgh to hire away then-rising star Mike Haywood as its head coach while simultaneously trumping up charges of domestic battery against Haywood, Miami(OH)’s vaunted reputation as a cradle of coaches will be sullied and Haywood’s career ruined. The Redhawks are left wondering what might have happened had Haywood had not left Oxford, Ohio. In addition, a joint sting operation between the NFL and NCAA will see to it that the (already sketchy) reputation of Steelers QB and Miami of Ohio product Ben Roethlisberger is battered to pieces by allegations of sexual misconduct.

Now you’re probably wondering why the NCAA wouldn’t just ‘let’ Haywood stay at Miami(OH) and then humiliate the school with his scandal. But that would be a logical move. And we’re talking about THE FUCKING NCAA, HERE!!

MST: ACC Declares Itself On the Rebound

 College Football, Football, MST  No Responses »
Sep 132010
 

Perennially on the upswing, the Atlantic Coast Conference had a banner weekend with a number of its marquee programs in action against some quality competition.

The University of Miami withstood Ohio State’s best shot and delivered a resounding 36-24 defeat to the Hurricanes at the Horseshoe in Columbus, Ohio. The score would have been closer if OSU had bothered to be less dominant.

Florida State did its level best to thrust Oklahoma’s Landry Jones into the Heisman conversation as the sophomore signal-caller went 30-for-40 for 380 yards and 4 touchdowns in leading the Sooners to a 47-17 victory that had to have former head coach Bobby Bowden rolling in his grave. Wait, Bobby Bowden isn’t dead? Very well then. Note to self: keeellll Bobby Bowden.

Defending ACC champion Virginia Tech burnished its non-conference credentials, following up last weekend’s close loss to Boise State by failing to come back to beat D1-AA school James Madison. This is the second time in as many years that a D1-AA school has defeated an ACC school from the Old Dominion State.

But perhaps the greatest signal of the ACC’s ascendancy was Virginia’s penalty-filled 17-14 loss to USC. The Trojans were so intimidated by the Cavaliers that they followed last week’s 11 penalties by committing 13 penalties for 240 yards. When asked how the Men of Troy could have played so badly and still won, UVA coach Mike London replied, “Don’t go ripping on Lane Kiffin! He’s just a kid! Come to me! I’m a man! I’m 49!!”

ACC proponents celebrated the conference’s gumption in scheduling such tough opponents, also pointing to Clemson’s epic clash with the Blue Hose of Presbyterian College and Maryland’s beatdown of Morgan State. ACC officials also decried the soft non-conference schedules of non-AQ schools, citing that Boise State’s marquee BCS win has been tainted because the Broncos’ opponent has since lost to a D1-AA school. When pointed to the fact that said opponent was from the ACC, the officials changed the subject to Midnight Madness.

Spare the Rich.Rod and Just Fire Him Already

 College Football, Football  No Responses »
Feb 232010
 

The University of Michigan must fire Rich Rodriguez. NOW!

According to ESPN:

In its notice of allegations — which Michigan received Monday — the NCAA said Rodriguez “failed to promote an atmosphere of compliance within the football program” and tracked neither what his staff was doing nor whether his players were following NCAA rules. It also said the athletics department failed to make sure its football program was complying with NCAA regulations.

The Detroit Free Press is reporting that these are five major NCAA violations.

This isn’t just a case of an idiot assistant calling a player during a dead period. The NCAA might not have said it but I will – INSTITUTIONAL LACK OF CONTROL.

I don’t hate or love Michigan football. I admire the program largely because it’s taken good care of the occasional Western PA kid who has matriculated to Ann Arbor – Ty Law, Marlin Jackson and Steve Breaston come to mind – and because I hate Ohio State. But I also realize those guys played for Lloyd Carr, a true Michigan man.

Michigan tries to set itself up as a program of great integrity and character. A program that engenders great loyalty in its players. A program that tries to do right (though no program is perfect anymore, if ever). It’s an admirable goal whether you cheer for them or not.

I’ve been screaming for 2 years now that Rich Rodriguez, whether he would win or not, is not a Michigan Man. For all his real coaching talent, he is slime. He was slime at WVU (in contrast to Bill Stewart who seems to be a genuinely good man). He’s slime now.

Ultimately, a combination of not winning enough and NCAA violations will be his undoing. And deservedly so. He’s 8-16 in two years and the bar has been re-set so low that an 8-win season might be considered a success for the Wolverines. That is unacceptable. College football is better off when a program like Michigan is strong.

Go after Charlie Strong or Jim Harbaugh, Randy Edsall or Turner Gill. Get a man who can at least be mistaken for having a soul (unlike a guy such as Bobby Petrino) and get back to being the Victors of the West. And fraking beat Ohio State!!

CF Elite Eight

 College Football, Football  No Responses »
Feb 122008
 

In honor of the masses’ perceived wishes for a college football playoff (a sentiment not entirely shared by your humble narrator), I won’t be doing Top 25 lists. Here we present a super deluxe early post-signing day/NFL declaration Elite Eight, a projection of which teams would make an 8-team playoff. I’m taking the existing BCS structure of picking each of the BCS conferences winners plus 2 at-large teams. So even though a conference could have three teams in a Top Eight list, 3 teams likely wouldn’t make it to the playoff. I’m also ignoring the Rose Bowl’s outdated preference for a Big Ten/Pac-10 match-up. There will be no undeserving participants like last year’s Illinois in this list. Also, this super deluxe early list may need to change if/when Terrelle Pryor signs a Letter of Intent.

1. Oklahoma Sooners

OU returns QB Sam Bradford and RB DeMarco Murray so the offense will likely stay explosive. Navigating the Big XII won’t be easy with KU, Texas Tech and the traditional Red River Shootout against Texas but the Sooners don’t have Missouri on the schedule this year.

2. Ohio State Buckeyes

They’d get smoked again if they made the National Championship game. However, the Big Ten is even weaker this year. Michigan will be transitioning to Rich Rodriguez’s offensive style and Penn State needs to replace LB Dan Connor, CB Justin King and QB Anthony Morelli. An away game in Pasadena is likely to be the Buckeyes’ toughest obstacle on the way to another undefeated season.

3. USC Trojans

Like OSU, Southern Cal will benefit from a weaker Pac-10 this year. Oregon loses Dennis Dixon, UCLA is breaking in a new coach and Arizona State is still at least a year away from truly contending. Don’t think that Cal will provide adequate competition as the Golden Bears have beaten the Trojans only once since 2001. Running backs Stafon Johnson and Joe McKnight will be counted upon while either Mark Sanchez or Arkansas transfer Mitch Mustain transition into the starting QB role.

4. Florida Gators

Tim Tebow returns as does the electric WR/RB/Do-Everything Percy Harvin. The defense is still suspect but unlike Georgia, the Gators have proven the past few years that they know how to pull out the big wins. I’m projecting at least 1-2 losses for any team that wins the SEC, which would result in a lower seed than might actually deserve.

5. Texas Longhorns

It’s tempting to put Missouri in this at-large spot given Texas QB Colt McCoy’s struggles last year and the defection of RB Jamaal Charles to the NFL. But the Tigers won’t be sneaking up on anyone this year. Texas is not a program that rebuilds. It reloads.

6. West Virginia Mountaineers

They won’t make any early season Top 10 lists but WVU will still be playing with a chip on its shoulder after Rich Rodriguez departure from Morgantown. The Mountaineers return standout QB Pat White and though I loved RB Steve Slaton on my fantasy team, they may not miss him much. Noel Devine provided plenty of reason to think he can step in for Slaton. The defense has never been fantastic but after demolishing Big XII champs Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl, don’t underestimate Bill Stewart’s squad.

7. Clemson Tigers

This could finally be the year that Tommy Bowden breaks through and wins the ACC though whether that will satisfy the crazed fans of the Tigers is yet to be decided. With a stellar in-coming class and the return of RB James Davis and QB Cullen Harper, Clemson returns the best offense in the ACC.

8. Georgia Bulldogs

I really don’t think UGA will be able to navigate the SEC like UF or LSU have in past years. However, it’s hard to ignore a program that returns so much talent with RB Knowshon Moreno and QB Matthew Stafford set for another season Between the Hedges.

Knocking on the door: LSU, Missouri, BYU, Texas Tech, Wisconsin, Virginia Tech, South Florida

Super Wednesday

 College Football, Football  No Responses »
Feb 102008
 

Don’t let all the Super Tuesday primary headlines fool you. February 6th – National Signing Day is one of the most anticipated days on the collegiate calendar. The masses quiver as they read the write-ups on some 17-18yr old who faxed a Letter of Intent to their favorite team.  There are no Red or Blue states for us.  There is only Maize & Blue, Scarlet & Grey, Burnt Orange or whatever ridiculous color scheme Oregon chooses this year.

While recruiting rankings are not but so much detritus, they’re still fun. So let’s dive in.

The big surprise this year has to be Clemson.  The Tigers made huge waves in recruiting, ranking #2 overall according to ESPN and #12 according to SI/Rivals.  Despite being wooed by the likes of Georgia, Florida State and Virginia Tech, Clemson managed to keep homegrown superstar DaQuan Bowers (DE; #1 ESPN150, #12 SI/Takkle) from leaving the Palmetto State.

Alabama came on strong with a class of 32 commits are ranked #3 by ESPN and #1 by SI/Rivals.  Landing Julio Jones (WR; #2 ESPN150, #1 SI/Takkle) was huge.  Miami (#1 ESPN, #4 SI/Rivals), also pulled in a stellar class for Randy Shannon.  Nick Saban is a proven big-time recruiter and Randy Shannon will not let south Florida fall to the Gators without a fight. Expect fortunes in Tuscaloosa and Coral Gables to rise in the next couple years.

The usual suspects also appear near the top of the rankings as well.  Florida, Georgia, Texas, USC, Oklahoma and Notre Dame all locked down top-10 classes.  Wait, Notre Dame?  The same Notre Dame team that lost to Navy and finished 3-9?  It’s a simple truth that the University of College Football in America (self-named) will always be a major player.  The Genius Charlie Weis pulled in the #9 class according to ESPN and #2 according to SI/Rivals, addressing much needed team speed.

Every year some player is viewed as the next coming of Vince Young or Dan Marino or Fred Biletnikoff. He generates loads of accolades, awards drama and HYPE.  This year, the soap opera comes to us from tiny Jeannette, PA where all-everything recruit Terrelle Pryor (QB/ATH; #4 ESPN150, #16 SI/Takkle) is holding hostage such coaching lumninaries as Joe Paterno, Mike Bellotti, Jim Tressel and Rich Rodriguez.  This kid (yes folks, they’re still KIDS) has been tearing up southwestern PA defenses for 4 years and has generated serious discussion whether he might be the best ever high school player to come out of the southwestern PA.  That’s no small feat for a region that has produced the likes of LeVar Arrington, Joe Montana, Danny Marino, Major Harris and Tony Dorsett.  I remember Arrington’s days as a RB/LB for North Hills high school.  Pryor deserves to be part of the conversation.

All in all though recruiting isn’t an exact science.  Antonio Bryant was rated a 1-star player coming out of high school.  Leon Washington was once viewed as a can’t-miss prospect for Florida State.  Not only do some players never develop but some coaches may ruin potential star careers through position switches.  Jim Kelly grew up dreaming of playing QB for Penn State.  Joe Paterno wanted to switch him to linebacker.  Kelly went to Miami to play QB and the rest is history.

Photo Credit: Pittsburgh Post-Gazzette

(Originally written for Deepslant.com)