Posted by I’ve been thinking a lot lately about chemistry and conversation and the devastating effects of awkward silences. Many years ago, when your humble narrator was but a lad of 30 or 31, a family friend tried to set me up with his niece. We exchanged emails, then texts, then a few phone calls. She didn’t live in Pittsburgh and she lived at home with her parents so a face-to-face meeting wasn’t in the offing at the outset. Ultimately, things didn’t work out. I guess I was being picky. I didn’t think so at the time but I acknowledge that now. I don’t even remember why I was being picky.
The family friend got annoyed at me over the whole affair. He had expected a quicker ‘yes’ once she and I started talking. Old school ishtyle. Some time later, he and I were at a dinner party. We were outside by a playground enjoying a nice summer’s evening, watching over the kids at play. I think he wanted to have a conversation about why it didn’t work out. I did NOT want to have that conversation. The friend, god bless ‘im, had pretty good intuition. He must’ve sensed it because all he said to me was this:
“Ultimately, you just want to find someone to talk to. You just want someone to have a conversation with at the end of the day.”
He walked away and never brought it up again. He also never tried to set me up again.
At the time, I thought it was an overly simplistic statement. Just want someone to talk to?! I’m not being picky; it’s just that there’s more to “it” than that! There’s chemistry and values and personality clashes and religious or irreligious outlook, and culture & society and politics and blah blah blah!! What if she’s not a Steelers fan?! What if we can’t think of anything to say to each other?! What if we run out of topics to discuss?! No one likes awk silences! (even though I’m the king of awk silences).
Well, he was right.
At the end of the day, it would be nice just to have someone to talk to.
… during intermission of a show, or at halftime of a Steelers game. Maybe over a pot of gumbo on a lazy Sunday evening. Nothing complicated or entangled. Just a conversation, just two people who simply enjoy each other’s company, warts and occasional silences and all.
But! I am still picky. About what, I’m not entirely sure anymore. Almost a decade later, I finally know that about myself though. We are who we are. Even if we sometimes forget. You can’t run away from yourself, even if you want to. (Apparently I’m also someone who runs towards dangling modifiers). Few people want to “settle” just for someone to talk to.
There are a quadrillion articles on the nets that will dispute his statement. Value yourself. Hold out for the right one! It’s better to be single than to settle! It’s better to be single than to be in a bad or abusive relationship. Well, as to the last statement, “no shit, Sherlock.” That’s not what is in dispute.
As for the other objections, well, sure; after all, there’s chemistry and looks and eye color and body type and values and personality clashes and religious or irreligious outlooks and politics and culture.
AND NO ONE LIKES AWKWARD SILENCES!!
Oh wait… [sigh]
