Posted by I’ve been thinking a lot lately about like & love, friendships & relationships. Such things are always messy. What we picture – the grand glorious vision of deep friendship or blossoming meaningful love or even just fun & casual friendships and relationships – is often at odds with what really develops or the timeline of how events unfold. Because we’re human. Emotions are a fickle, frail beast.
But when we really get after it and we let our guard down, we generally do so with that idyllic vision dominating our minds. Intellectually, we acknowledge the possibility of miscommunication, mixed signals, and, well, just messiness. But then it happens and we’re still flabbergasted and hurt. Because we get comfortable or overly optimistic?
The Stuff of Life (ie, choccy milk)
If we acknowledge that no friendship or relationship will ever measure up to the ideal in our heads, then why not protect ourselves from the get-go? Be wary from the outset. People do decide to take a shot while keeping their guard up. (I usually do as well). But few will say that’s how it should be or how it should even progress in the beginning.
I’ve been told by those wiser than me that taking the risk to get hurt is the stuff of life. That visualizing the “win”, being positive and trying to think it into existence, and being vulnerable in the pursuit of something meaningful is worth the risk. I want to agree but is that because there is no middle ground to take? Sure, even long-term friendships and relationships do fall prey to fraying and dissolution. But that’s not my point. I mean at the outset. Is it not possible to build slowly, to set boundaries and limits, to protect ourselves so that we might know whether the other person would ever be worth trusting enough to let down our guard for? Get the yes and then go deep or get the No (if ever) and not be devastated because you kept your guard up enough. I guess the question then become how much guard is enough or too much or too little.
Causality
In the aftermath of a grand and crushing failure, it certain will feel as though keeping one’s guard up was warranted all along. But it may very well be impossible to determine what series of unfortunate events led to the fall. Ceteris Paribus (“Other Things Equal”) is a favored tool in Economics but is inadequate to the complexity of human nature. Even in the event of a win, looking back is next to impossible for the same reasons.
For my part, I’m still left with the same conclusion. The “shot”, be it friendship or more, seems inherently fraught and more often likely as not to fail. At least in my experience. So… guard up. I think.
