Posted by or… Amurrica, FUCK YEAH!
The Middle East is passé. The USA is getting the hillel outta Iraq and Afghanistan and all the better says I. Neocons, interventionists, humanists and all manner of idiots are demanding that the USA become more involved in the Syrian Civil War. Ummm… fuck no.
But people need something to do. Commanders-in-Chief command, armies fight, Americans americanize. The military-industrial complex must be fed. We need a (new( part of the world to fuck up. Enter… South America (again). It’s time to look into our neighbors’ backyards and recommit to messing up their lives.
Our re-entry point is the recent death of Hugo Chavez. I propose that the USA attempt to install the most supine Pro-Amrikan politician possible on the throne of Caracas. It may not work; Venezuelan democracy may rebound and strengthen after the Chavez years. But that’s hardly the point. Our meddling alone will be enough to destabilize the region. Anything to mess with worldwide oil prices. (But we’ll still blame that on the A-rabs).
Next, of course, Argentina. Their crimes include devaluing their currency or something, electing a (relatively attractive) woman as leader, trying to call the Falkland Islands the Malvinas. Burn them!
Brazil. They have the temerity to demand that Amrikan citizens obtain visas before journeying there to hit on their women and look ugly on their beaches. Plus, they’re a nation of Catholics. Everyone loves raggin’ on Catholics, right?
The list can go on and on. The point is that we’re the world’s lone Superpower and we must continue act like it. Imperialism (covert or overt), exceptionalism, eradicating local cultures and replacing them with McDonald’s, extraordinary rendition, environmental degradation, hipsters. Let’s get to it.
